Have to do what the moment reveals needs to be done

Nothing shows itself clearly at the moment. Life is full of haze and shadows and things that can be or may be. The road covers itself, the goal hidden from my view.
How do I walk this path? To where do I walk this path? For what purpose, to what end, to what reward? What must I feel, think, desire? Nothing is known.
I come to another conclusion now, learned in a murky clarity of elusive thought: I have to walk in this moment the best I can. That is all. Every step taken with honesty and without pushing towards any other end except that (to act with honesty). This will not take me to my goal but may be in fact the only goal.

It is surprising to think this because we are so used to thinking about the end result of what we do. Always thinking what or where our actions will lead us to. Giving up this expectation is difficult because it takes away perspective and expectation and to some extent even hope for a wonderful end.

calling out

Lost, lost, lost, lost, lost, lost lost......Oh Devi find me, hold my hand and guide me on my journey............

Kabir calling to evolve consciously

Having crossed the river,
where will you go, O friend ?

There’s no road to tread,
No traveler ahead,
Neither a beginning, nor an end.

There’s no water, no boat, no boatman, no cord;
No earth is there, no sky, no time, no bank, no ford.

You have forgotten the Self within,
Your search in the void will be in vain;
In a moment the life will ebb
And in this body you won’t remain.

Be ever conscious of this, O friend,
You’ve to immerse within your Self;
Kabir says, salvation you won’t then need,
For what you are, you would be indeed.

Silence* By Pico Iyer

Beautiful essay.

Every one of us knows the sensation of going up, on retreat, to a high
place, and feeling ourselves so lifted up that we can hardly imagine the
circumstances of our usual lives, or all the things that make us fret. In
such a place, in such a state, we start to recite the standard litany: that
silence is sunshine, where company is clouds; that silence is rapture, where
company is doubt; that silence is golden, where company is brass.

But silence is not so easily won. And before we race off to go prospecting
in those hills, we might usefully recall that fool's gold is much more
common, and that gold has to be panned for, dug out from other substances.
"All profound things and emotions of things are preceded and attended by
Silence," wrote Herman Melville, one of the loftiest and most eloquent of
souls.

We have to earn silence, then, to work for it: to make it not an absence but
a presence; not emptiness but repletion. Silence is something more than just
a pause; it is that enchanted place where space is cleared and time is
stayed and the horizon itself expands. In silence, we often say, we can hear
ourselves think; but what is truer to say is that in silence we can hear
ourselves not think, and so sink below our selves into a place far deeper
than mere thought allows. In silence, we might better say, we can hear
someone else think.

Or simply breathe. For silence is responsiveness, and in silence we can
listen to something behind the clamour of the world.

A "moment of silence" is the highest honour we can pay someone; it is the
point at which the mind stops, and something else takes over (words run out
when feelings rush in).

There is -- of course -- a place for noise, as there is for daily lives.
There is a place for roaring, for the shouting exultation of a baseball
game, for hymns and cries of pleasure. The great charm of noise, however, is
when it ceases.

Silence, then, could be said to be the ultimate province of trust: it is the
place where we trust ourselves to be alone; where we trust others to
understand the things we do not say; where we trust a higher harmony to
assert itself. We all know how treacherous are words, and how often we use
them to paper over embarrassment, or emptiness, or fear of the larger spaces
that silence brings. "Words, words, words" commit us to positions we do not
really hold, the imperatives of chatter; words are what we use for lies,
false promises, and gossip. We babble with strangers; with intimates we can
be silent. We "make conversation" when we are at a loss; we unmake it when
we are alone, or with those so close to us that we can afford to be alone
with them.
In love, we are speechless; in awe, we say, words fail us.

(1992)

*From Tropical Classical: Essays from Several Directions*
* *

Now suddenly

The flow of the universe has caught me up in its masterful current.
Picked up from the side where I had stayed trapped in an eddy i am part of the meaningful journey again. Silence again has meaning beyond the superfluity of words. In silence I feel the moment, know your thoughts. For this brief moment in time I feel as if the gates of existence have swung open for me. I can see in.

There is an experience, a state of being that feels akin to merging.
When the air and heat, distant sounds, breath, thoughts and tactile experiences are all woven together as if in one fluid, living cocoon.
Where every movement is synergy.
Have you felt it?
As I participate in the moment with love the connection doesn't seek the transcendental but the deeply emotional
These are your eyes and I let you in, let me out.
I can feel who I am expand, I grow
The gates of existence swing open to include me. I am walking in.

Meditation: Just so with the universe

There is an experience, a state of being that feels akin to floating.
When the air and heat, distant sounds, breath, thoughts and tactile experiences are all woven together as if in one fluid, living cocoon.
Where every movement is synergy with the cosmic, everything is right and light.
Have you felt it?
As I participate in the moment with authenticity, letting go...leaving it to something else
I can feel who I am wither
and a new, unseen version of me emerges

Ah So

Love left us
Left me
And I come back for it in circles, spirals...seeking what I never had
Looking for it in unlikely places
All Fleeting connections: never enough, never right

Devastation

When the spirit is strong: Silence is powerful.
When the spirit is shaky the silence: Devastating

Silence at first gently

I welcomed silence at first. Silence softly hollowed the hollows, like the gentle lover at first caress.

But then as I allowed it space, let it into my being it Seeps in settling down, undulating to find the empty spaces and fill them. It is eloquent.
And then...
Deeper and deeper it goes until it reaches the dark pits, the unexplored mines of the mind where it mines despair, hopelessness, emptiness and hollowness. A place where the questions crowd, and then ebb only to be replaced by (ah the word again!!): hollowness. These are deepest parts, full of unease, filled with whispers. Sibilant. Demeaning. Shameful. Distorted. Untrue? Maybe. But brutal all the same: and Unshakable. Ah, the HOLLOWNESS!!

Where is the steady breath, the unbroken heartbeat, the clear mind, the resolve of silence? I thought silence would bring these?

Silence is frightening now. But refuses to depart. It digs its roots in, uses a sharper chisel to cut out its home, sharp against the heart.
Silence is becoming a firm and unshakable habit.
I want escape. How do I renounce it?
Do I renounce it?

Where is my life?

When I stopped working full time last year it was because I wanted to catch up with my reading, write a bit, travel, think from my armchair by the window.
But, hey!! That is exactly what has not been happening for the last many months!

Work has a way of catching up with one, or shall I saywe have a way of catching up with it. I began feelancing, doing some consultancy and before I knew it I was working full time again! And this time from home- which meant I had no office support! Moving from the social into the corporate sector has not been a very comfortable move. I miss working with individuals, really getting down into the depths of issues to help resolve them.
Corporates are...are...faceless, no, soul less (how very patronising, judgemental, sanctimonious of me!)and I find myself losing touch with my own self while being caught up in the rush of work-that-needs-to-be-done-by-today deadlines. Some months ago, I had much to say but found it difficult to post a blog beacuse I struggled with chanellising the tumultuous flood of thought and in finding adequate words to express them. In fact- I remember my earliest blog posts were a prayer that I find the appropriate words and the language!
Now, I find it difficult to find a way to my thoughts because of all the external data I have to deal with.

Sometimes I feel that this writing here will be the only, albeit tiny, way to keep sight of my thoughts and my real self ...

Embracing silence

Ever since my post "may silence be my friend" I keep finding more virtues in silence. Here is a beautiful Haiku that expresses the same thought but much more beautifully:

Moving beyond words
to the essence
embracing silence…

In the mood for Love

This is a beautiful composition on YouTube. In keeping with my current thread of silence it is Love-without words, yet wonderfully evocative and soul stirring.

Contentment

To be aware of the silence
To be receptive to the joy in the moment

To be aware of all this even while knowing that tomorrow will be less
And yet it will be more

Yes, this is contentment

May silence be my friend.

The more I listen to what is in me, the greater the silence
Silence is the freedom from the noises of the mind.

I listen to my thoughts with awareness, without judgment
...There is Silence

I listen to the feelings in my heart, not the words
...Silence

I listen to the calm serenity of just being
...Silence

I notice the freedom from grasping the moment
Freedom from trying to commit it to memory
The tranquil resting, the enfolding into the experience
Without the dread of loneliness

Yes, there is silence

Mountains

"The mountains are peril clothed by vast swathes of serenity."