Ah So

Love left us
Left me
And I come back for it in circles, spirals...seeking what I never had
Looking for it in unlikely places
All Fleeting connections: never enough, never right

Devastation

When the spirit is strong: Silence is powerful.
When the spirit is shaky the silence: Devastating

Silence at first gently

I welcomed silence at first. Silence softly hollowed the hollows, like the gentle lover at first caress.

But then as I allowed it space, let it into my being it Seeps in settling down, undulating to find the empty spaces and fill them. It is eloquent.
And then...
Deeper and deeper it goes until it reaches the dark pits, the unexplored mines of the mind where it mines despair, hopelessness, emptiness and hollowness. A place where the questions crowd, and then ebb only to be replaced by (ah the word again!!): hollowness. These are deepest parts, full of unease, filled with whispers. Sibilant. Demeaning. Shameful. Distorted. Untrue? Maybe. But brutal all the same: and Unshakable. Ah, the HOLLOWNESS!!

Where is the steady breath, the unbroken heartbeat, the clear mind, the resolve of silence? I thought silence would bring these?

Silence is frightening now. But refuses to depart. It digs its roots in, uses a sharper chisel to cut out its home, sharp against the heart.
Silence is becoming a firm and unshakable habit.
I want escape. How do I renounce it?
Do I renounce it?