Silence

I have Tinnitus.

It is surprising to learn that the sound stems from my own hearing system. From the apparatus itself. Mostly it sounds like a roomful of insects humming a constant high pitched orchestra. Sometimes it is so loud that I feel forced to put my hands to my ears in a familiar "shut out the sound" motion, except that I cant shut out whats in.

It keeps me awake at nights, drowns out out voices aggressively, muffles the sound of music, is strident and pervasive. I feel disabled. Yet, there are times when it is so low that it can be ignored. At that time I feel close to silence, relative silence. And then I know I am not stressing myself out.

It is then also a indicator of my anxiety, my own biofeedback apparatus.